The Seven Fundamentals: Ministry Versus Manipulation

Ministry Not Manipulation

Ministry not manipulation is the bedrock upon which the Equipped to Serve training is built. Spending time discussing this fundamental is imperative to setting the ground work for the rest of the training. The trainer must bring the trainees back again and again and teach the rest of the Fundamentals in light of our goal being to minister NOT manipulate.

Any of the skills taught to volunteers can be used to either minister or manipulate. We all have had the experience of being manipulated by good questions or another person's well-intentioned efforts to solve our problems. Trainers must help trainees distinguish between ministry and manipulation. The time your spend here in your training will pay off in other sessions and give the trainees a foundation to apply throughout the rest of the training. It also provides a yardstick by which to measure trainees' effectiveness in applying the rest of the Fundamentals.

How do we as trainers help our trainees in this area? Here are a few suggestions. They are not in any particular order. Choose based upon your own skill level. Be sure you give this topic adequate time in your training. Skimping on this topic will end up hurting you in the end.

Discuss trainees personal experience with ministry and manipulation.

Ask each trainee to recall an experience where they felt manipulated and one where they felt ministered to. Trainees need not share the details of the experience. The purpose of recalling an experience is to do the following:

Compare and contrast feelings and behavior experienced and observed in each situation. Write down the discussion on a flipchart with manipulation on one side of the chart and ministry on the other. There are great questions for discussion in the Volunteer Manual and space to write down the input from other trainees. Encourage trainees to use these pages and write down others' comments and insights.

Choose an experiential exercise.

Look through the Leader's Manual and find an experiential exercise that will help trainees experience ministry or manipulation for themselves.

Use the following quote:

"Meddlesomeness is the very opposite of helpfulness, for

it consists of forcing yourself into another as opposed

to opening yourself as a refuge to the other. "

George MacDonald

Discussion Questions:

1. Who has had the experience of someone forcing themselves into you?
   
2. What did the forcing look like? How did it feel to you? What was the outcome? How did you resist the forcing?
   
3. How do you know when someone is opening themselves as a refuge to you? How does it feel? What was the outcome? How might this create an environment for change?
4. How might we be tempted to force ourselves on our clients? What are the potential consequences? How will we know when we are forcing ourselves into another?
5. How might we use what we have learned here to help us recognize when we might be slipping into forcing ourselves on others or manipulation?

Trainer Shares A Personal Story

Share a story of a time when you manipulated or forced yourself on another. Most importantly, share the resulting consequences and what you learned from the experience.

Equipped to Serve- Recommended Reading

Recommended Reading

Here are a few book that will help you in crafting and delivering quality presentations, developing your message and making it stick, and basic concepts for starting and doing good business.

Presentation Zen by Garr Reynolds




Made to Stick by Chip Heath and Dan Heath




Art of the Start by Guy Kawasaki




Knockout Presentations: How to Deliver You Message with Power, Punch, and Pizzazz by Diane DiResta






Slide:ology by Nancy Duarte






There are more suggested books and videos on my web site. Visit the Recommended Books and Video page for more helpful suggestions. Let me know what you are reading or watching and what you found useful or helpful. Leave your comments below so we can learn from one another.

Experiential Exercise: One Way Communicatio

Experiential Exercise: One Way Communication

Goals

• To recognize the pitfalls of one-way communication.
  
• To identify the necessity (importance) of two-way communication
  
• To label the skills involved in two-way communication.
  

Objectives

Several blindfolded trainees will simultaneously listen to and follow a list of verbal instructions and then compare the final outcomes of the instructions. 

Other trainees will observe the above activity.

Group Size

6 to 8 blindfolded trainees

unlimited trainee observers

Materials

6 to 8 pieces of 81/2 x 11 paper (1 for each blindfolded participant)

A pen or marker for each blindfolded participant.

Physical Setting

Space large enough in front of observing trainees for participants to stand so everyone can see them.

Process

1. Ask 6 volunteers to come up to the front of the classroom.

2. Blindfold each volunteer trainee or ask them to keep their eyes shut throughout the  exercise. 

3. Give each person a  piece of paper and a marker.

4. The following instructions are given by the facilitator:

a) Please follow the instructions I will give you without asking any questions.

b) The observers are asked to watch without giving any guidance.

5. Give the following instructions to the blindfolded Trainees

•   Fold the paper in half
•   Tear off the bottom left hand corner
•   Fold your paper in half again
•   Tear out a half circle at the top of the page
•   Draw a triangle underneath the circle
•   Turn you paper around and write you name down

6. Tell participants to open their eyes or remove their blindfolds and open their papers. 

Disciplined Reflection Questions

Sharing Questions:

1. What went on? What was observed?

2. What  were you aware of?

3. How did you feel doing the activity?

4. What was difficult about carrying out the instructions?

Interpreting Questions:

1. What was significant to you about this exercise?

2. In what ways was the communication unhelpful?

3. How might it have been different?

Generalizing Questions:

1. What does that suggest to you about communication in general?

2. What does that help explain?

3.  How does this help us better understand communication?

Application Questions:

1.  How might this apply in the counseling room?

2. What will you remember from this exercise that you will take with you into the counseling room?

3.  What might be the consequences of one-way communication in the counseling room?

Experiential Exercise: The Gold Ball & the Egg

Experiential Exercise: The Golf Ball & The Egg

Goal

To demonstrate how our perceptions of a person affect how we interact with them.

Objectives

Participants will pass around the group from person to person items that are very different form each other such as a golf ball and an egg.

Where to Use in the Training

In the Who Is She? section of the training.

Group Size

Any size. Good for large groups as everyone can participate without giving up too much training time to the exercise.

 

Time Required

Approximately 15 minutes including the disciplined reflection if you keep the exercise moving quickly and the trainees focused on the task and the disciplined reflection questions.

Physical Setting

Trainees will stand in a circle in an open area without anything in their hands.

Materials

1. A golf ball

2. An egg

Process

1.  Trainer asks all trainees to stand in a circle away from tables, chairs, etc. 

2.  Trainer throws out a golf ball and asks trainees to throw the ball about to each other. 

3.  After about 3 to 4 minutes the Trainer takes the gold ball and hands a trainee an egg asking them to throw the egg about to one another as well.

4. Allow trainees to throw the egg around to each other for 3 to 4 minutes or until the egg gets broken, whichever is first.

Disciplined Reflection Questions

Sharing Questions:

1. What were you aware of as we did this exercise?

2. What was most significant about this exercise for you?

Interpreting Questions:

1. How did your behaviors change when the items changed?

2. Identify some of the various behaviors you noticed during the exercise.

Generalizing Questions:

1. How do our perceptions affect our actions?

2. What  is the significance of the difference between the golf ball and the egg?

Application Questions:

1. What does this have to do with the women we will see at the Center?

2. What can we take with us into the counseling room from this exercise?

Experiential Exercise: Looking for the Unique

Experiential Exercise: Looking for the Unique

Goals

To demonstrate the importance of looking for what makes each client unique.

To explore how one looks for a client’s unique qualities.

Objectives

Trainees will “get to know” an apple and then find their apple when it is thrown into a basket with other similar apples.

Group Size

Any size

Time Required

15 minutes

Physical Setting

No special room set-up required.

Materials

• Brown paper bag to fill with apples.

• An apple for each trainee with a few  extra for good measure. 

• Make sure apples are from the same    “family” i.e. Delicious, Gala, Granny  Smith, etc.

Directions 

1.  Have each trainee reach in the brown paper bag and pull out an apple. 

2.  Tell trainees that they have 3 minutes to become familiar with their apple and discover what makes their apple unique. 

3.  After three minutes have trainees put their apple back into the brown paper bag. 

4.  Dump out the apples on a table and ask trainees to come up and pick out their apple from the rest of the apples. 

5.  Have trainees hold their apples during the Disciplined Reflection.

6.  Collect apples ate the end of the exercise and save them for snack time!

Disciplined Reflection

Sharing Questions

1. What was this experience like for you?

2. What did you pay attention to while you were getting to know your apple?

3. How easy/hard was it to find your apple again?

Interpreting Questions

1. How were you able to find your apple again?

2. What was helpful to you in finding your apple again?

3. If you had this to do over again, what would you change?

Generalizing Questions

1. What does this teach us about looking for uniqueness ?

2. How would this have been different if I had not told you to “get to know”  your apple?

3. What does this teach us about our observation abilities?

Application Questions

1. How does this apply to the counseling room?

2. What can we take from this exercise to help us answer the question, “Who is  she?”

Experiential Exercise: Ministry Versus Manipulation

Experiential Exercise: Ministry Versus Manipulation

Goals

To demonstrate the behaviors of and consequences of manipulation.

To demonstrate the behaviors of and consequences of ministry.

Objective

Trainees will observe 2 role-play and compare and contrast the behaviors and consequences of each role play.

Group Size

Any size

Time Required

25 minutes

Physical Setting

Two chairs set up facing one another in front of the room so trainees can see both people in the role-play.

Materials

Roles for each person in the two different role plays written or typed out on index cards.

Role Play Scenario #1

Daughter/Child: You have been accepted at two colleges. One is out of state and the other in your home town. Both schools are academically equal and will give you a quality education. Your preference is to attend the college out of state. You know your Mother wants you to attend the college in your home town and live at home. She has given you a million hints over the past few months. Your job is to convince your mother to let you go to the out-of-state school. Use any means at your disposal. Your future depends upon winning.

Mother: Your child has been accepted at two colleges, one out of state, one in your home town. Both colleges are academically equal and would give your daughter a quality education and finances are not a problem. You want your daughter to go to the college in your home town and live at home. You have made your opinion known in a variety of little ways over the past few months. Your job is to persuade your child to attend the college in your home town as opposed to going away to school. Use any means at your disposal. You have the right to exercise your parental rights.

Role-Play Scenario #2

Daughter/Child: You have been accepted at two colleges. One is out of state and the other in your home town. Both schools are academically equal and will give you a quality education. Your preference is to attend the college out of state. You know your Mother wants you to attend the college in your home town and live at home. She has given you a million hints over the past few months. It has been really hard knowing that what you want to do is different than what your mother wants. Your job is to try and understand the reasons and feelings behind her insistence on you going to college in your home town. Do not try to get defensive or try to convince her to let you do what you want. Focus on her and her feelings and reasons.

Mother: Your child has been accepted at two colleges, one out of state, one in your home town. Both colleges are academically equal and would give your daughter a quality education and finances are not a problem. You want your daughter to go to the college in your home town and live at home. You have made your opinion known in a variety of little ways over the past few months. Even though you have strong feelings about the subject, during this role-play allow yourself to really listen to your daughter and respond to her questions and comments in a heart-felt manner.

Directions:

1. Ask four trainees to volunteer for a role-play.

2. Give the index cards with role-play scenarios to the role-players to allow them to think about their roles while you give instructions to the rest of the trainees.

3. Instruct the observers (rest of trainees) that they should observe the following during the role-plays. List these on a flip chart or overhead:

• Body language and voice tone and inflection

• How did each person go about their task?

• What was each person’s goal in the conversation?

• What were the consequences or results of the conversation?

4. Instruct role-players for Scenarios #1 to sit (or stand) in front of the group and tell them to begin. They will have a maximum of five minutes for the role-play. The roles are not explained to the observers.

5. End the role-play and solicit answers to the questions given to the observers. Write down answers on one side of a flip chart.

6. Call upon the two volunteers for Scenario #2. Instruct them to begin their role-play. They will have a maximum of five minutes for the role-play. Again, the roles are not explained to the observers.

7. End the role-play and solicit answers to the questions given to the observers. Write down answers on the other side of a flip chart.

8. Have the volunteer who played the daughter/child role read their role-play instruction card out-loud to the rest of the class.

Disciplined Reflection

Sharing Questions

1. What stands out the most about the difference between these two role-plays?

2. How did you feel while watching these two role-plays?

3. How many of us have been caught in a situation like the first role-play? What was the result?

4. How was the second role-play different?

Interpreting Questions

1. What accounts for the difference in these two role-plays?

2. Why were the results so different in these two role-plays?

Generalizing Questions

1. What does this experience say about how the intentions of our minds or hearts affect communication? (How our interpretation of our “job” affects how we do it.)

2. What does this experience show about how easy it is to manipulate?

3. What affects or encourages manipulation?

4. What will encourage ministry?

Application Questions

1. What will be pressures (internal or external) in the counseling room that might lead us towards manipulation?

2. What might the effects of manipulation be on our clients?

3. How might we keep our tendency towards manipulation in check?